"Stop fighting!" I have said many times lately to my children.
Well, tonight, God clearly told ME to "Stop fighting!" While I don't think my admonishments help my children to stop fighting, His spoke loud and clear to me this evening.
Here are some excerpts from my journal since January 8 (our church is going through a 40-day "spiritual bootcamp"):
Our bootcamp is called "On the Edge." After the first day, I had to email my small group ladies and my pastor to tell them that God was clearly doing something in my life. What? I didn't know. But now, I have direction. It begins with "stop fighting."
Up until now, I thought I was fighting with people. Arguing. Trying to be right. Trying to love God more than man. Trying to obey. But I was really fighting with God. And now I am to fight my sin.
And now, I know that I can only love God more than man by loving those I struggle with loving. That is how I am to stop fighting. That is how I am to obey.
This is eye-opening to me. This is real. This is God working in my sinful heart. This is God answering my prayers. This is God's faithfulness to me. This is God using His Word for His Glory. This is Jesus making me clean. This is Jesus who began a good work in me carrying it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. This is Jesus telling me to do something I cannot do without Him. This is the Holy Spirit alive in me. This is not living out my faith alone. This is AMAZING!
After I got home, I opened my Bible once more. I was able to see the bigger picture, which is unusual for me. I was able to read between the lines. While I was doing that, a worship song came into my head. Here it is:
At first, I wondered why the Lord would make me think of this song. And then it became clear:
There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious
Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm and through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me
Chorus
You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written 'Christ is risen,'
Jesus you are Lord of all
No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross
So let your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher be lifted higher
And then, the Lord led me to Luke. In 6:27, It says, "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." It goes on to say in verse 35, "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." I wanted to stop there, because that was what I was thinking about. But it doesn't stop there!
Verse 41: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Ouch. I love those verses when I'm the one with the speck. This time, I was the one with the plank. I hope I the plank is now gone.
What am I to do about all this? I don't really know yet. But I know it involves love. I also know it involves the Lord. I also know Jesus loved me first. He will love me through my sin and has forgiven me, because I have asked Him to. What's next? I don't know. I just know I am not alone, and I cannot do this alone. Jesus is holding my hand.
Well, tonight, God clearly told ME to "Stop fighting!" While I don't think my admonishments help my children to stop fighting, His spoke loud and clear to me this evening.
Here are some excerpts from my journal since January 8 (our church is going through a 40-day "spiritual bootcamp"):
- Please preach to me and make me clean where I am sinful...
- His timing is His.
- Bring ____ to Jesus on a mat?!?
- Follow Jesus wherever He goes before me.
- What would Jesus do?
- Maybe this is about ME and not _______.
- Lord, I feel like I am drowning. Please rescue me and help me not to sin in the process!
- Lord, You amaze me with your word. It is alive with you. Help me!
- Our sin affects those around us.
- Jesus wants us to obey Him and participate in His miracles!
- God's word is so rich that I continue to learn new tings even after reading a passage 100+ times.
- Do I still not understand?
- Lord, thank you for Your mercy and grace. Please help me understand where I do not. Please help me to live for You and praise Your name!
- Jesus requires us to follow Him with all we have.
- Lord, I am low on patience. I pray You will only give me things I ask for that will benefit me or others.
- Do the right thing, although it will be difficult at times.
- Lord, You are so faithful to me. I am encouraged.
- Obey the Lord when He asks us to do hard things.
- Jesus knows our hypocrisy.
- Do not be badly mistaken--Know the Scriptures!
- Jesus hates pride.
- Lord, help me to obey You no matter how hard. Help me to hide Your Word in my heart. I can't do it without You!
Our bootcamp is called "On the Edge." After the first day, I had to email my small group ladies and my pastor to tell them that God was clearly doing something in my life. What? I didn't know. But now, I have direction. It begins with "stop fighting."
Up until now, I thought I was fighting with people. Arguing. Trying to be right. Trying to love God more than man. Trying to obey. But I was really fighting with God. And now I am to fight my sin.
And now, I know that I can only love God more than man by loving those I struggle with loving. That is how I am to stop fighting. That is how I am to obey.
This is eye-opening to me. This is real. This is God working in my sinful heart. This is God answering my prayers. This is God's faithfulness to me. This is God using His Word for His Glory. This is Jesus making me clean. This is Jesus who began a good work in me carrying it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. This is Jesus telling me to do something I cannot do without Him. This is the Holy Spirit alive in me. This is not living out my faith alone. This is AMAZING!
After I got home, I opened my Bible once more. I was able to see the bigger picture, which is unusual for me. I was able to read between the lines. While I was doing that, a worship song came into my head. Here it is:
At first, I wondered why the Lord would make me think of this song. And then it became clear:
There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious
Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm and through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me
Chorus
You are stronger, You are stronger
Sin is broken, You have saved me
It is written 'Christ is risen,'
Jesus you are Lord of all
No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defense
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross
So let your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher be lifted higher
And then, the Lord led me to Luke. In 6:27, It says, "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." It goes on to say in verse 35, "But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." I wanted to stop there, because that was what I was thinking about. But it doesn't stop there!
Verse 41: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Ouch. I love those verses when I'm the one with the speck. This time, I was the one with the plank. I hope I the plank is now gone.
What am I to do about all this? I don't really know yet. But I know it involves love. I also know it involves the Lord. I also know Jesus loved me first. He will love me through my sin and has forgiven me, because I have asked Him to. What's next? I don't know. I just know I am not alone, and I cannot do this alone. Jesus is holding my hand.
AMEN! Although I don't remember anyone saying anything of the such. I love the way the Holy Spirit talks. Beth, anonymous only cause I dont' know how to post any other way.
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